Ep 02 Fat Sex-cation with Xine Story LIVE at Desire, in Cancun!

 The Fat Sex Series!

This is a really fun episode with Xine Story! It was recorded while we were at Desire Riviera Maya – a swinger resort with a group call the Swingset Takes Desire!  We get deep in it and talk about so many sweet and sexy things inclduing having pleasure now even though you don’t love your body!

 

This was a lot of fun to do!

 

At one point we get interuprted for folks bringing us chocolate! You should be so lucky!

 

Come hang out with us and talk about having pleasure even if you don’t love your body,  having multiple partners, loving bi men and making sure there’s lots of space for hot bi men!

Show notes: Fat Sex Series! Fat Sex-cation with Xine Story Interview at Desire

  • Christine lives in the San Francisco Bay Area and, although busy, is always looking for new friends, community, and activity partners! If you’d like to get in touch, the best way is to send her a Facebook message or friend request (https://www.facebook.com/Xine.story) You may also email her at christineastory@gmail.com for a slower response. Also @RainyDayMondays on Instagram

    This was recorded at Desire Riviera Maya in Cancun. My sweetheart and I were there with the folks from Life on the SwingSet for a little event they call “Swingset takes Desire.” Desire is a swinger resort in Cancun Mexico that is taken over by a group of what I think of as freaks and queers: poly, swinger, kinky, queer, sex positive folks. Some new folks, lots of returners.

    I interviewed several people and this is one of those. They are a bit out of recording order because of various logistics like getting people’s bios and so on so ignore all that. These were recorded with my iPhone so I’ve done my best with the sound quality.

    Also reference Nomy Lamm – queer, fat icon. Who happens to be one of the fat queers that I also connected with in another place in Fat community. I met met Nomy at https://nolose.org/

    I reached out to her to see if she wanted to comment and this is what she said:

    “hi briana! this sounds amazing. my website is nomyteaches.com.

    you could also mention that I’m the creative director for Sins Invalid – sinsinvalid.org. also if people want access to the first issue of ‘i’m so ****ing beautiful’ (released in 1993!) here is a link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BxM9mTeuGlNaUm5ScUtDNkVXc0k/view?usp=sharing

    So now you can reach out to Nomy and her work and see what a bad ass she is too!

    Also she’ll hopefully be on an upcoming episode and you can hear her yourselves!

     

    • how did you become sex positive? Christine: Oh, I was always a horny little ****.
    • On her partner struggling: not being able to communicate well meant that he didn’t have the words to describe how he felt or really to identify it so it was hard to talk about.
    • “Actually all, all of my partners are, are queer men currently, but his main interest is in, in guys like sexually. But he’s a varsity cuddler!”
    • On Bi men “There were a lot of men putting their mouths in a lot of places. And we like that!”
    • Queerness and queer invisibility and seeing internalized homophobia.
    • “You know, we didn’t know you were queer. We thought you were straight. And he’s just like. Well, I have the purple bead, I have the rainbow necklace, I have the rainbow bead. My toenails are painted rainbow. My fingernails are painted. I’m wearing ladies’ flip flops. More do I have to do?”
    • We give a lot of love to bi men!
    • “you don’t have to be 100% love your body to, to use it in a way that’s pleasurable”
    • Also @RainyDayMondays on Instagram

 

 

TRANSCRIPT: Christine Story podcast – Have Pleasure Now!

[00:00:15]Briana Cavanaugh: [00:00:15] so today we’re doing another guest interview about fat sex. Our guests are interview days. We get to learn from and about folks doing fat positive or fat positive adjacent work.  as a reminder, we don’t bleep out cuss words or swear words. We don’t edit for explicit material or content. So this is your content warning that this interview may contain. And hopefully will contain adult material and listener discretion is advised.

[00:00:41] Welcome to the podcast!

[00:00:42] We’re here today. I’m with Christina or Xine. I’m here at Desire. Um, it’s our Thursday, and this is the,

[00:00:50] Xine Story: [00:00:50] I think this

[00:00:50] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:00:50] is the fourth interview we’re doing now. Hi.

[00:00:53] Xine Story: [00:00:53] Hello.

[00:00:54] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:00:54] It’s great to have you.

[00:00:56] Xine Story: [00:00:56] Thank you.

[00:00:56] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:00:56] You’re another California person. [00:01:00] So I’m from, I’m, I live in Redwood city. And you were saying that you live in.

[00:01:04] Xine Story: [00:01:04] Yeah. I live in Pacifica.

[00:01:05] Too far away.

[00:01:06] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:01:06] Is that too far away? Bay area people. Yay. We had someone from Albuquerque and from East coast, and I was just talking to another person I might have on tomorrow who’s from North Carolina, and I kind of love that. People are

[00:01:19] from like,

[00:01:21] they’re from all over the place. Um, so I meant to ask you, I think folks, if you’ve listened to other ones of these, you know, I’m going to ask the, the fi vital statistics question, and then  I’m gonna ask you a bunch of other questions. So, um, so some vital stats. What, what, what race are you,

[00:01:41] Xine Story: [00:01:41] um, white,

[00:01:43] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:01:43] you think you and how old are you.

[00:01:46] Xine Story: [00:01:46] I will be

[00:01:46] 40, a few days.

[00:01:48] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:01:48] Yay. Happy birthday. do you have any other marginalized identity? Like are you queer, disabled? Um, we assume that you identify as fat, but you can say [00:02:00] that as well.

[00:02:02] Xine Story: [00:02:02] um, yeah, I

[00:02:03] identify as fat.

[00:02:05] Um, as bisexual as queer. As pansexual. I don’t want to inadvertently exclude anybody. Mmm.

[00:02:20] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:02:20] Awesome. That’s great.

[00:02:23] Um, and do you have any other marginalized  are you disabled or, you know,

[00:02:29] Xine Story: [00:02:29] I’m privileged in a lot of ways.

[00:02:31] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:02:31] Yeah. Yeah. There, it’s, uh, uh, folks who are here.

[00:02:36] It’s a lot of

[00:02:37] financial

[00:02:37] class

[00:02:38] privilege to be able to come on a vacation to Mexico and to be able to travel and to be able to spend money to come on a

[00:02:46] sex cation.

[00:02:47] Xine Story: [00:02:47] Absolutely. Yeah.

[00:02:49] So where, how did you, how did you come to your fat

[00:02:53] identity? Um,

[00:02:57] so let’s

[00:02:59] see. [00:03:00] My birthday actually goes with the years, so in 19 94 I was about 14 and I was 1984 and so there were all these awesome right girls up in Seattle doing right girl things.  and I lived in the Florida suburbs, but I

[00:03:20] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:03:20] Not near Seattle,

[00:03:21] Xine Story: [00:03:21] not near Seattle, but I had a good friend named Christie who wouldn’t mind my giving her name. And she really got me into like pong getting right girl and feminism and. Introduced me to this fan zine and called, “I’m so ****ing beautiful inviting” Nomy Lamm, and it just

[00:03:39] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:03:39] Written by Nomy!! I Know me.

[00:03:40] It just really is amazing.

[00:03:42] Xine Story: [00:03:42] Yeah. And I mean, it, it really like changed my life in a lot of ways. Like it gave me, I think, words to say things that I might not have had words to say before. And, um, you know, so, so much other stuff. And like, I think Nomy [00:04:00] and a lot of.

[00:04:01] The

[00:04:02] really cool people that were coming out of that subculture were like a few years older than us, maybe like five to 10 years older than us. That’s so like they would have been maybe 20 at the time and they were just producing so much awesome this that somehow trickled down through the postal mail to like my suburban Florida home. And then. Know, I also went to, in 1996, there was this, yeah, the one and only,

[00:04:37]Briana Cavanaugh: [00:04:37] yeah. Awesome.

[00:04:39]Xine Story: [00:04:39] But um, yeah, so I was really influenced by her zine “I’m so ****ing beautiful.” And, um, it was great. And I, I still have copies from like 1994, you know, and those, those years of it, like in my room,

[00:04:53] I met Nommy, I think

[00:04:54] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:04:54] the first time at no lose.  several hundred, at least half a dozen years ago. [00:05:00] Anyway, it’s great to hear her name and yeah,

[00:05:03] Xine Story: [00:05:03] so I think she was probably a role model for a lot of younger girls and that that’s just so great. I like in 1996, um,

[00:05:12] there was this queer core festival in San Francisco called

[00:05:16] The Dirty Bird Festival that my friend Christie that I mentioned, and I took like a Greyhound out from Florida. And I remember her doing like a, it was like fat politics or something like that workshop at that festival. And it was also very influential. Um,

[00:05:36] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:05:36] that’s exciting. Have crossover of community.

[00:05:40] Xine Story: [00:05:40] Yeah.

[00:05:40] And um, you know,

[00:05:42] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:05:42] I,Christine and I are just meeting at this event. I think this is the first time we’ve had a conversation.

[00:05:48] Xine Story: [00:05:48] Yeah.

[00:05:50] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:05:50] So this is exciting.

[00:05:52] Xine Story: [00:05:52] Yeah. And, um,

[00:05:54] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:05:54] also the fat community is very small and awesome and awesome and awesome. Yeah.

[00:06:00] [00:06:00] Xine Story: [00:06:00] So like, I, I think that like punk and feminism and, and anarchism and stuff, like getting into that kind of stuff and especially, you know, like, like right girl, like the cultural product of riot girl really influenced me in a way that. The world didn’t destroy me. You know, like I, I think I met a number of people who didn’t have those experiences at a young age. And, you know, not that I was like self-confident as a teenager and not that I like thought I was beautiful or any of those things, but like, I, I got like that rebellious edge, you know? And so I was able to say like, “**** you!” To a lot of people and a lot of ideas. And so, you know, I, I don’t know. I think without that element of radical politics, I would have been able to do that. Even though there is a lot of like, fat shaming and misogyny and, and all sorts of things in, you know, different, different circles. And, [00:07:00] you know what I mean?

[00:07:00] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:07:00] Yeah.

[00:07:01] Xine Story: [00:07:01] So, you know, like everything is, it’s a mixed bag, but,

[00:07:04] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:07:04] but it gives you space to be, to become who you are rather than who culture kind of wants you to be.

[00:07:09] Xine Story: [00:07:09] Absolutely. Yeah. And, um. Yeah. It just stayed with me my whole life, you know, the ability to do that. And then I, I’ve always like more than knowing people or like being part of the actual social communities because I, I’m quite shy and I’ve lived a, you know, in outside of areas that have necessarily had those communities. But I, I’ve always read a lot, and I’ve read a lot of like, social. It’s social commentary and like, you know, like fat commentary and feminist commentary.  I this just thinking of like words to use that would describe it. Like I, I would say like, instead of using those individual words, like also like I’ve, I’ve read a lot of like, you know, sociopolitical commentary that’s been linked, you know, very like radical and left, left wing and, and you know, [00:08:00] maybe I don’t want to use like specific words to describe it because a lot of words change over time and like even a lot of words that, you know, were positive when. Yeah. When I was younger, like 10 years ago, have changed connotations and like a younger generations take them differently. So it’s always hard to know like how to say things that are, how to give the true essence of what you’re saying when the words or the lexicon or whatever shifts so rapidly around us.

[00:08:25] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:08:25] Yes, that’s true. Because it’s easier

[00:08:29] for people to get offended or to not be able to hear you because you’re using language. . So how did you, so thank you for that. That was, that was lovely because it also brings in other parts of our communities, our shared communities. Um, how did you become

[00:08:47] sex positive?

[00:08:49] Xine Story: [00:08:49] Oh, I was always a horny little ****. Um, yeah, I just was always very open minded and sex positive. And, um. [00:09:00] Uh, I w I had it easy, really. I mean, in the sense that, you know, like I said, I was 14 in 1994 and what was happening in 1984, I mean, it was like Kristen over Silicon, Kurt Cobain, like smashing guitars and dresses on the stage, you know, and wearing black eyeliner and like by bisexuality was in Vogue and in a lot of ways, especially a women’s bisexuality, you know, so. I don’t know, even though I grew up in a conservative atmosphere, I don’t know that I had faced a lot of the homophobia and, uh, issues with root repression that some other folks have faced. Because like I, I just was, you know, a teenager in a time where. It was more invogue than not to be bisexual. And I say bisexual just because like I’ve been using that word and identifying it and you know, believe politically and rallying under it, right? Like, you know, for decades. And, um, [00:10:00] I, one coming out day, I said, I, I’m gonna come out as like by hyphen pan, because, you know, I mean, I don’t, I don’t want to call myself pansexual because I feel like it’s not the word I’ve been using for decades, and I don’t want to

[00:10:16] like, I believe that bisexual, the word bisexual,

[00:10:19] you know, means that I am attracted to any gender where I have the capacity to be romantically or sexually attracted to any gender. Um, but I know that some people have a different definition. And so it’s like what I said about like, changing lexicons it’s, it can be, yeah. Can be challenging.

[00:10:36] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:10:36] In the 90s it was the word

[00:10:37] that was the word, right. As bisexual. As we’ve, I think as a culture made this foray into having more trans folks and having that be more, having transfolks be able to be more out and supported and included. You know, there’s the, finally we’re having the conversation that there are more than two genders. And so, um, so [00:11:00] then the question is, do we still want to use the word bot, like

[00:11:02] the prefix BI, because now we’re talking about, now we know and we’re clear that we have more genders. And I think there’s a. Uh, um, I’ve been in the bisexual community for decades too. And um, I kind of gave up that word in the early aughts

[00:11:19] Xine Story: [00:11:19] to,

[00:11:19] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:11:19] you know, to use the word queer because it felt more inclusive and more focused on the community that I was actually dating. And then now coming back to my, like my bisexual community and the women that, you know, we’ve been known each other for 25 years or whatever. It’s like, some of them are really  set on using the word bisexual. And you know, others have moved on and. . This word specifically I think is doing a lot of this community around bisexuality and attendant things and do a lot of, um. Like moving and shifting around.  yeah. So, I hear you. I hear you on that. Um, so was your household growing up sex positive? [00:12:00] Um,

[00:12:02] Xine Story: [00:12:02] not really. I mean, it’s kinda funny to think of it as a household. Like, I, I’m an only child. I have a, my parents are a bit older. They’re not super religious. . They’re just like super mediocre. I mean, like I, I don’t think I’ve ever really talked to either one of them about sex. Like I think my mom told me about like the mechanisms of like PIV sex when I was in fourth grade because I was like talking so much **** about so much **** that like, she just wanted to like, and I was like, what? That’s what happens, you know? But yeah, I mean, not really. Like I, I’m not like my, I’ve had, I had a cat for like 10 years before my, I told my parents that I had a cat, so, you know, I’m not super close to them with stuff.

[00:12:49] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:12:49] yeah. I was just kind of probing into like, how there’s a way that it seems like. You know, sexuality itself is, you know, as [00:13:00] biological, like creatures, animals. We come into our sexuality like it’s a normal, natural thing.  the impression I get from other people when I’m talking about my sexuality, they’re always like, how did it happen?

[00:13:11] Xine Story: [00:13:11] And I was like, I

[00:13:13] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:13:13] dunno just

[00:13:14] Xine Story: [00:13:14] happened. Like, how did you have the realization or

[00:13:17] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:13:17] like what, how’d you become sex positive? How did you start having sex with all these people? And it’s like. I don’t know. That was 1993 that’s a long time ago.

[00:13:27] Xine Story: [00:13:27] Yeah. I think that I was just, I really was always just really interested in sex and you know, like even before I knew what it was, and a lot of that probably has to do with the way that, you know, our culture is seeped in, insects and, and stuff like that. But because of that, I was always reading things above my age level about sex. And. You know, in all different ways, like from seedy, romance novels to, to theory, and, you know, and then there’s, there were just [00:14:00] so many zines in the 90s that were sex positive and we’re queer positive, and we’re, um, just really rad and all, all different ways. So, yeah, I never, I guess I never, um. I, you know, I, I guess it’s more like anoutgrowth  of, other kind of values, like, you know, valuing open-mindedness and valuing like a non corporate consumer emphasis on culture and things like that.

[00:14:30] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:14:30] Tell us about your relationship structure. Like who are you in

[00:14:35] relationship with? How many

[00:14:36] people out is that. How’s that going for you?

[00:14:40] Xine Story: [00:14:40] um, so I have a partner who I live with and, uh, we’ve lived together 10 years. We’ve actually known each other for probably 30 years or 25 years. And, um, he’s kind of like a nesting

[00:14:57] partner, I guess you’d

[00:14:58] call it. [00:15:00] Um, we. Don’t have, uh, a very companionable relationship, uh, or a very affectionate or relationship in like, as in like, we don’t like cuddle a lot and stuff like that, but we live together in a studio apartment and I, I really don’t. I don’t think there’s anybody else I could live with in that small of a space. Um, but mainly it’s because he ignores me all the time. Which is kind of like, there’s two sides of that coin, I guess. So after about 10 years of, and you know, of course before this, I, I’ve had relationships, like, you know, short and longterm relationships with men and women. Um, so. But lately, you know, after mid relationship with him, I started having other lovers because I felt like I wasn’t getting the affection and companionship from him. And, and you know, he, he didn’t really want those things, so he didn’t care. I mean, he didn’t mind, you [00:16:00] know, like he just, no, no, no, no. So I’m like, yeah, he just wants to like, you know, hang out by himself and actually he’s, he’s dating like this. It’s so weird how things turn out. Like the irony, I won’t even go into this cause it’s like a whole another story. But anyway, so we became like officially polyamorous a couple of years ago and um, it’s actually working much better for us. And then it was with like my, just having lovers cause it turned out like he was also really lonely but just didn’t, um, like he was lonely and miserable too, but didn’t have the emotional words to describe that, like he’s never been, uh, able to communicate well. And so this is like part of the problem, right? And, um, not being able to communicate well meant that he didn’t have the words to describe how he felt or really to identify it. So, you know, we kinda came to this, okay. Like, we need other people in our lives because this living together works pretty well, but all the other stuff doesn’t work that great, you know? [00:17:00] So, um, and then I have another partner currently. Who is, um, also queer. And he actually all, all of my partners are, are queer men currently, but, um, so he, he’s, his main interest is in, in guys like sexually. But he’s a varsity cuddler and like, he just kinda wants to cuddle it. He really is like, like, like he just wants to like cuddle and brush my hair and he’s the best. And he’s, he’s super companionable and I spend a lot of my time with him and we do have a sexual relationship, but, um, I think we have more of an emotional relationship because we really need each other. And, um,

[00:17:44] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:17:44] that sound sweet.

[00:17:45] Xine Story: [00:17:45] and we have similar values, like we, you know, we like the same bands and you know, all that stuff. But

[00:17:53] then I have a, a third partner who I’m here with. And, uh, we actually used to have it, uh, [00:18:00] what I liked to lovingly refer to as our trupple, but it also could be called a tree, a triad.  we’re, we’re a duo now, but we used to have a tree, a tree OD with another lady, and, um, tht was really hot sexually for a long time. But, um, maybe not , the compatibility level of like worldviews wasn’t really there enough, I think, to keep things together longterm. Yeah. But I’m, in a lot of ways, it was a great experience. That was my first IX, not my first experience being in a relationship with a woman, but it was my first experience being in a triad, which, um, you know. I’m, I’m down with the sister wives, man. I’m like, especially if I can **** them, but

[00:18:45]Briana Cavanaugh: [00:18:45] yeah.

[00:18:46] Xine Story: [00:18:46] You know, so, um, yeah. So now we were just two, and he also has other partners, but he’s, um, more, I think, uh, like my sexual and intellectual partner than, than the [00:19:00] others necessarily. So, um, I have a patchwork quilt life, and in a lot of ways.

[00:19:09] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:19:09] It sounds very, it w the way that you’re describing it actually sounds very fulfilling. Like, like there’s a conversation I think around non-monogamy where people come to it because one of the big conversations is because, you know, no one person can meet

[00:19:24] all of her needs. And there’s the, um, one of the things is that, um, you know, we’ve put a lot on our. Well, our messy partner, whoever, however we talk about it, like whether you call it primary partner or nesting partner, like, like if you’re doing that, there’s a lot in that relationship, right? It requires a lot of attention and time and resources. And, um, and so there’s often a, like,  there’s a cultural idealizing of those relationships. And, um. And it’s [00:20:00] like, if you’re not doing that or if you’re doing something in addition to that, sometimes there’s a conversation,

[00:20:06] but like, it’s almost

[00:20:08] like, well, why aren’t you being able to get your needs from one person, but, that came up in my mind when you said the word patchwork, because it’s like, if it’s not, you’re not putting things together that are broken, for example, you’re weaving things together that like make your life beautiful and whole and happy.

[00:20:28] Xine Story: [00:20:28] Well, that’s a nice way to say

[00:20:31] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:20:31] I like that. Yeah. Okay. I mean, it sounds lovely.

[00:20:35] Xine Story: [00:20:35] I mean, I’m also lucky in the sense that like I never wanted children. I mean like from a young age, like I didn’t want children, and the older I got like the more. Like, I find it really hard just to take care of myself. Like I find it hard to get up everyday and do the things, you know, like, and like I have, yeah. I mean, I have a job, I support myself. Like I live in a, in a major city that’s really expensive and [00:21:00] you know, I go on vacations, but like I, I just barely do it. Like I’m, I’m like treading water all the time. And like I, I always felt like that in my life. So the fact that I never wanted kids kind of matched up with the fact that I never felt. Like emotionally, psychologically, or especially financially able to, to manage children. And you know, I know a lot of people wind up having children even though they also feel like that and they do it and they, a lot of them do kick ass jobs. And like, I just, I was lucky that I never had to do it and I never wanted to do it and I never had to do it. And so, like, essentially I live a life with very few. Responsibilities besides like taking care of myself, like, you know, managing to have an income enough to support myself and be like, you know, with the basic food and shelter and stuff. Like I don’t have screaming things that I have to come home to or, you know what I mean? Like I do, I one year old son.

[00:21:57] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:21:57] And recently not living with,

[00:21:59] Xine Story: [00:21:59] yeah.

[00:22:00] [00:21:59] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:21:59] And uh, yeah, it was, it was a lot for a long time.

[00:22:02] Xine Story: [00:22:02] It’s so much work. I mean, like, I just can’t even imagine, like I don’t understand how people can bring that energy out from them to, to create and raise and like cultivate another human being, you know? And. I mean like, yeah, I have lots of time to read like about fat theory and think about things and you know, have, have a patchwork of lovers, like, which takes up a lot of time, you know, because like they all live an hour or two in the other direction. Right. You know, so, I mean, I couldn’t do that if I had like, other external responsibilities. Like there is no way. So I understand. Like. How a lot of people wind up in situations where they have one partner and they really need that partner to be there. Everything, you know? Yeah.

[00:22:42] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:22:42] Especially if you’re raising kids.

[00:22:44] Xine Story: [00:22:44] I feel,

[00:22:45] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:22:45] I feel personally very lucky because I have a sweetheart who is not my son’s father, but who like, you know, I made it very clear that, you know, my son, I came as a set, even though I . 1819 [00:23:00] when, when we met. Um, but I was still like, you know, he still was living at home and it’s like, you know, we come as a set and then, and my sweetheart just, you know, shock just really has been fantastic and I think it wouldn’t, I think it wouldn’t work otherwise. Um, but it does require a lot. Like, he, you know, shock has taught my son how to drive and it’s very charming. Um. But it definitely takes deep commitment, um, and energy and time and resources and all kinds of stuff. And then when we decided that we wanted to live together. Um, my son, I moved, I moved out of the place where my son lived. And so, you know, even managing two households and teaching my son how to have a householder. So even though we’re not living together,

[00:23:44] it

[00:23:44] Xine Story: [00:23:44] is, it’s a lot. Anyway,

[00:23:46] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:23:46] I just want to acknowledge that you’re totally,

[00:23:47] Xine Story: [00:23:47] definitely right. Definitely the multiple households. I definitely understand that. I mean, cause yeah, like I spend, yeah. At least half the week someplace other than my actual [00:24:00] address, like my legal address. So it’s like always having to make a few days decisions ahead of time when you pack your little

[00:24:06] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:24:06] backpack, you know? Yeah, yeah. And when I, before that I was, I would stay with him on the weekends and then go home during the week. And it was, I don’t know about how it’s viewed, but it was so much. So like I’m packing, doing laundry, whatever, when I’m home and then I’m awake and when I’m awake. For a long time it felt very much like vacation and that was great, but then I have to still have to live my life and do my job and do,

[00:24:30] Xine Story: [00:24:30] yeah.

[00:24:32] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:24:32] I mean, I’m not lamenting any of it, but it is a, you know, a different way of living, I think. Then the idea that you get up, you have a. A husband or wife or whatever, and you, you know, this is all your, this is what you’re doing and you’re centered around one household and a small, you know.

[00:24:50] Xine Story: [00:24:50] Yeah. I’ve met actually here this week at a swingset desire. I’ve met a few different couples who are like in their retirement [00:25:00] and you know, their kids are finally grown. And it’s almost as if it’s like a new lease on life. Like they’re, you know, we met a lovely couple the other night that told us that they, you know. Like they, they shared that they’re living things that they wanted to do for 30 years, you know? And like, that’s amazing. It’s awesome. It’s inspiring, you know?

[00:25:20] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:25:20] But that you can’t, you know, when you have kids at home, there’s a lot of things that you absolutely cannot do. And for, I think a lot of people, and one of them is go on a sex vacation, right. With a hundred or 200 or however many you know of

[00:25:31] Xine Story: [00:25:31] your cousins friends, right? Yeah.

[00:25:33] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:25:33] It’s, it’s, it’s a lot. Made me very wistful. Mmm. So the other question I’ve been talking to people about is sex, having sex here

[00:25:48] Xine Story: [00:25:48] and the, yeah.

[00:25:50] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:25:50] And how, how is it like, are you having sex here? How’s it going? Like, what are you enjoying? Like tell us any exploits or adventures that you’ve, you’re having.

[00:25:59] Xine Story: [00:25:59] Um.

[00:26:00] [00:26:00] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:26:00] And if it’s working or not working, like if there’s drama, we’re happy to hear about that.

[00:26:04] Xine Story: [00:26:04] Yeah. It’s funny cause I met somebody when I first got here and I, I, they said. Re, uh, my, my partner said, you know, I’m a ****. And I said, Oh, I’m a **** too, but I’m a lazy **** and this person and I, I agreed with them and they said like, you know, women kind of have a privilege in the sense that they can be a lazy slug, whereas like, often, especially in heteronormal heteronormative context, like men really have to do the pursuing. And that really hit me because I mean, like, I feel like, yeah, like I, I’m not like, I’m shy. Like, I’m not. That greed at pursuing people. And it’s not like a lack of self confidence necessarily. Cause I don’t, you know, if somebody says, no, that’s all right, like, I don’t care. It’s fine. As long as they’re polite about it, you know? But it’s like, um, it’s just hard work and it’s like social skills that I haven’t developed yet, you know? And, um, I think that’s like it because of that. [00:27:00] I’ve historically just. Wound up in like male, female relationships because, because of our society, like it’s usually men who are put in the role of pursuers. And most men, even if they’re Henri in relationships, are always kind of on the take a little bit, you know? And so that’s who I meet and I, you know, it’s great. I loved all my partners. I’m so happy about that. But you know, I’m also like. Yeah, super attracted to women and like, I’m not as attracted to the male form to be honest. You know, like, I mean, I like men, but I got to get to know them and then I, you know, they kind of look better. Right. You know? Hey,

[00:27:39] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:27:39] yeah, absolutely. I was, this afternoon I interviewed, um, maybe, um,  was here with Tristan, with  and she was talking about, she’s like, she like, I’m, I’m a diet cause she’s

[00:27:51] Xine Story: [00:27:51] like, I’m fine.

[00:27:54] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:27:54] and was talking about how, you know, we were both talking about how we’re a little shy with

[00:27:58] Xine Story: [00:27:58] women

[00:27:59] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:27:59] and it’s like [00:28:00] it is, he’s like, it is easier to be with a man. Like jock found me. He came up to me, he asked me. Right. Um, and that makes it easier cause I feel like it is true often with women. It’s like, so we’re both like. You know, waiting and watching, and we want the signals to be really clear and, you know, and then by the time, by the time we can even figure out that what we want is for the signals to be really clear, some do to swept it. And it’s like,

[00:28:25] Xine Story: [00:28:25] Hey,

[00:28:26] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:28:26] nice boots. Right. And yeah, yeah, exactly. Oh, exactly. Yeah.

[00:28:30] Xine Story: [00:28:30] Yeah. It always, you always wind up with like a lot of guys before and I, I get like, you know, I, I don’t think I’m, I have a super femme presentation, but I mean, like, I get. Pegged as, uh, a straight, you know, a lot. And so I think, I think those ladies who may pursue me or may maybe more apt to pursue me, probably don’t because they pegged me as straight, or they, peg isn’t the right word. Like, uh, [00:29:00] they get the impression, you know, and it’s like, you know, I mean, I. It’s a, but I know it’s another story. Stability, right?

[00:29:11] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:29:11] There’s, to some degree, it’s, it’s, cause if you show them that you’re more on the, the side, people are like, Oh, you’re clearly a Dyke. Right? Like, Oh, you like women. Right? Which might or might not be true. Um, but I think it’s really easy for, especially men to just read women who are even a little bit fun, you know, through high Femme to be straight. And, and,

[00:29:33] Xine Story: [00:29:33] or not care.

[00:29:34] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:29:34] Yeah. And so they’re just kind of on the table, right? Like, Oh yeah, those women are available to me. And they, and yeah. I think that’s part of an, like, kind of male entitlement. It’s like, Oh, those, those women are attracted to me. Um, which is its own, you know, it doesn’t feel to me like men. Are like women are, are attracted to me, [00:30:00] it doesn’t feel like a bad thing inherently, but I do wish that more women and other gendere people were like, yeah, those people, women, trans people, whatever, are attracted to me enough that they felt like they could risk because it was kind of within the balance of cultural acceptability, right? Like it’s okay for men to get rejected by women. It’s part of our cultural story, right? Is it okay for women to get rejected by women? We don’t have a strong cultural story about that, right? It’s like  the cultural narrative, it seems like. Um. And it’s more, okay. For Butch women to ask femme women, right? It’s the lesbian sheep. It’s like, you know, the men, the male sheep mountain, the female sheep, like you don’t know if, if there are female sheep because of lesbian sheep, because they’re not, they don’t display the same behaviors. So it’s hard to, harder to identify them. Anyway, I’m [00:31:00] just musing, thinking out loud about this. There was a girl, a woman’s only orgy that, um. That was here?

[00:31:11] Xine Story: [00:31:11] Yeah. Oh, I was in the first draft of that for the first night. It never really took off because, um, we got rained on. There are a few of us there, and we got rained on and so then it, you know, moved into, um. Some very nice peoples, uh, room.

[00:31:28] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:31:28] Oh, nice.

[00:31:28] Xine Story: [00:31:28] And they posted the room number on the chat, but, uh, probably, uh, like it was one of the first days here. And like, for example, I didn’t know that the chat was still going because like, I’ve been having wifi problems and there’s just been so much going on, you know, so maybe a lot of people I think would have been interested, but didn’t know that they were welcome to come to their room or the

[00:31:48] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:31:48] app on their phone. They’re not checking either on their phone with them, like, yeah. Yeah, it’s, there’s a logistic problem. I also think, um, the two things I feel like they’re not very [00:32:00] well attended. One is the women’s only orgy, and the other one is the, well, the one that they’re now calling the bis stravaganza but there tonight,

[00:32:07] yeah,

[00:32:07] that was originally, I thought it was aimed around supporting men being together.

[00:32:12] Xine Story: [00:32:12] Um, that’s what I thought too, man, on man play.

[00:32:16] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:32:16] Uh, but in the conversations I’ve been hearing on the resort, people are talking about, well, by stravaganza means everybody,

[00:32:22] right? There’s been a lot of confusion with, with nomenclature, like, especially like with the queer versus BI, because like there’s the purple beads for BI. And then there’s, there was originally like the rainbow color necklace and then some lovely person put the rainbow beads that were for queer and. Like we just put both, cause we didn’t, we didn’t want any confusion, you know? But it’s like, it’s like, Oh well if there’s somebody that’s signaling as queer but not as BI and they’re presenting as like gender normative, I think it is the way I’m going to say it. Like then what does that mean? How do I take that? Does, do I take that [00:33:00] as, yeah. Like it’s just, I think people, not everybody is taking like those terms in the same way,. Which is, yeah. Fine, but it’s, it’s creating confusion, right? Like, like for the, by extravaganza. Like I also thought it was for, you know, guys to get their bi on and get their queer on. And which is great because like, you know, queer BI queer guys like, have like their own set of problems, which are just, you know, yeah. And like a lot of ways, like they. Have problems, you know, that we don’t face because of the way that, um, like female, same sex sex is, is kind of, um, eroticized

[00:33:44] by men.

[00:33:45] Xine Story: [00:33:45] Right. So, so whereas like male, same sex, sex is, is, especially among non gay men, is seen as like a masculinity weakness almost. Yeah.

[00:33:58] You know.

[00:34:00] [00:34:00] That’s exactly right. Yeah.

[00:34:01] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:34:01] Yeah. Among the things that happens.

[00:34:03] Xine Story: [00:34:03] Yeah. So, and then, you know, like my partner that I’m here with pointed out, Oh, well it’s the bi extravaganza, so. I think that means that women are supposed to come too because like how could we be bi without the women there in some capacity? Like we were just, we’re just trying to like, cause I was like, okay, is that something that I should go do? Should I go as a, as a voyeur, should I, should I just kind of do my own thing and let you like, you know, I mean like we were just trying to figure it out and like, well we know like, wait, wait, he, I just want to help them get as queer on, you know, like, I mean,

[00:34:36] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:34:36] I had a whole thought process last night. Considering posting to the group chat and being like supportive, like specifically, you know, supportive of men and offering to like listen to them or help them or hold space so that they can do whatever they want to do. Cause

[00:34:51] there’s been a little

[00:34:52] bit of like, Oh well, you know, last year the BI, the men’s gathering was like two or three dudes [00:35:00] and

[00:35:00] that’s fine.

[00:35:01] But also if there’s, if we want to create more space for men. We have to figure out how we’re going to create more space for men and be explicitly like welcoming and, and including, um, or, or we decided you don’t need that space. Right? But if we’re queer centered, we, I think we do need that space. I do think we want that space and we would just have like, you know, continuing to have more conversations about, you know, I don’t know, maybe we just need to ask more people, Hey, are you,

[00:35:29] Xine Story: [00:35:29] yeah, I mean like, this is actually kind of almost case in point, but you know, we met this lovely couple and. The, the male counterpart of the couple was, you know, he, he likes the, you know, the, the men and the ladies, um, and he, and other genders. And he was saying that, you know, what? He’s come to desire and other swinger places be before when it wasn’t the queer takeover. And people have really like just taken one look at him and not wanting to [00:36:00] socialize with them because there’s, there’s so much homophobia. But since he’s been here, he felt that like, you know, he had a public scene with someone and he mentioned that after that, a lot of people had come up to him and said, Oh, we didn’t know. You know, we didn’t know you were queer. We thought you were straight. And he’s just like. Well, I have the purple bead, I have the rainbow necklace, I have the rainbow bead. My toenails are painted rainbow. My fingernails are painted. I’m wearing ladies’ flip flops. More do I have to do? It’s like, yeah, you’re

[00:36:35] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:36:35] not reading the signs.

[00:36:38] Xine Story: [00:36:38] So I also think there’s a lot of internal hobo.

[00:36:41] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:36:41] It’s like it’s internalized homophobia, right?

[00:36:43] Xine Story: [00:36:43] If your default

[00:36:45] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:36:45] assumption is that the people across from you are straight, right, that’s internalized homophobia.

[00:36:50] And, and I think that as a culture, we struggle with that,

[00:36:53] you know? And I think, I think there’s a lot of things that as a culture, we struggle with it and we pretend that it’s just us.

[00:37:00] [00:37:00] Xine Story: [00:37:00] Like,

[00:37:00] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:37:00] Oh, I didn’t know. But if the cultural assumption is those people are straight, that everybody is straight, right then just by

[00:37:09] assuming other people are straight,

[00:37:10] you’re, you have some internalized

[00:37:13] homophobia

[00:37:14] and, and it’s not personal to you. . Right? The reason that it’s happening to him is that everybody, right. All these people all over are all struggling with that and all pretending it’s them.

[00:37:26] Xine Story: [00:37:26] Right? Yeah. I mean, we keep income sensitive, like we can’t even get accurate numbers, like from the time that I was, you know, very young, like I heard that, I mean, there’s even a pansy division song that has a line about 10% you know, like, like 10% is supposed to be gay. Right? And so it’s like, okay, well, we know historically a lot of. Those, like supposedly gay people were not monosexual, you know, they were, they were bi in some pan in some way, right? Like they were somewhere on the spectrum that wasn’t [00:38:00] at one end or the other, but there wasn’t necessarily words or community for that. And so we still in 2019 like don’t have numbers, like what percentage of the population is not monosexual. Like we have no idea. You know? So maybe that, like looking at someone across the table and assuming that they’re heterosexual is maybe, you know, like aside from being internalized homophobia, maybe it’s also statistically not necessarily accurate. So there’s that.

[00:38:35] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:38:35] There’s a lot in there. Do you have any, any sexy stories that you want to tell them. Things that you’ve gotten up to this week.

[00:38:41] Xine Story: [00:38:41] Oh, it’s been amazing. I’ve just been able to like make out with so many lovely ladies and like, I never get to do that normally, you know? So, yeah. I mean, it’s been, it’s been so great and I, I’ve loved that everybody here is they from, from the second when we got here, you know, there was [00:39:00] Dylan and Cooper running around naked and they’re big guys, you know? I mean, and like, that’s awesome. Like that’s. That’s like an instantly welcoming sign to like anybody who’s, who’s, you know, a size that’s not normally welcomed and like, they’re really putting their money where their mouth is, you know? But I mean, it was just a

[00:39:21] Putting their mouths and a lot

[00:39:22] of places and we like that.

[00:39:26] Yeah. I mean, it’s, it’s just been so great to see so many body types here. And I mean, like, I can’t, like there’s been. So many like rolls of fat everywhere that I’m just like, yeah, yeah. Like it’s so great to see it, you know? Cause you don’t normally see it. I mean,

[00:39:44] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:39:44] yeah, especially in things that are otherwise, I don’t know if I had a smear community,

[00:39:47] Xine Story: [00:39:47] that’s what I feel like.

[00:39:48] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:39:48] But, but in sex positive spaces in general, right. I, I, we live in the Bay area and there are multiple communities that I’ve been to where I’m like there are no other fat people here.

[00:39:57] Xine Story: [00:39:57] Yeah,

[00:39:58] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:39:58] that’s true. I

[00:39:59] Xine Story: [00:39:59] am [00:40:00] often the biggest person in the room and I’m, I don’t feel like, I’m not that big. Like compared to the, I’m about 250 pounds. I’m five four. So my size is anywhere from like, you know, 16 to 22 depending on like the clothing. Right.

[00:40:15] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:40:15] And that’s not that big, right. In terms of the size of humans.

[00:40:18] Xine Story: [00:40:18] Right. I mean, I’m not like, you know, like, like I have a lot of privileges even within the fat community. And still, I’m often the fattest person in the room. Right. You know, I’m, I, I’m, yeah. It’s just, even in the Bay area. I know. It’s no good. And it’s been amazing here because there’s so much nudity where like, you know, normally I go to kink events and just sex positive events and I, you know, like set or center for sex and culture just closed down or went online and it’s been like a tragedy in my life. But you know, like so many events that people are, are different sizes and different looks and are welcoming events, but [00:41:00] people are dressed and you know, to a certain degree they’re dressed. They’re dressed in the nice clothes cause they want people to like the way they look. In here. Like there’s so much nudity that you really see people’s bodies and you know, I mean the perfect body in a lot of ways is kind of a myth. I mean. Like there’s not many people that have that body. And I mean the, the, yeah. It’s a myth that it’s perfect. Right? But like, I mean, what the image of what that would be like, there’s not necessarily many people that have that. And even of those people like that actually doesn’t mean they hate themselves less than us, which is, is, you know, I think a sign of our culture because you can’t market products to people who don’t hate themselves.

[00:41:47] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:41:47] Right. That is also true.

[00:41:51] Xine Story: [00:41:51] For all of the money. A lot of it comes down to, unfortunately, we,

[00:41:56] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:41:56] so I know that we’ve been having a cupboard, or at least one conversation that I saw that I was a [00:42:00] part of where somebody wanted to come on this trip and they were like, Oh, but is it all skinny? It’s all skinny people. And I was the one who was like, no, there are other fat people you

[00:42:10] know. And, and I know for a fact that that Dylan Cooper intend to be fat, positive and fat welcoming. And it is different for men, right? Men who are fat it, there’s a different perception and they’re less, in some ways, less vulnerable than women who are

[00:42:27] Xine Story: [00:42:27] fat. Because there’s all of this pressure

[00:42:29] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:42:29] there. It’s not, not at all. Right? They still have body stuff. They’re still

[00:42:32] Xine Story: [00:42:32] like, you know,

[00:42:33] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:42:33] but there’s definitely more pressure, especially in sexualized spaces. Because women,

[00:42:39] Xine Story: [00:42:39] especially in

[00:42:39] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:42:39] swinger culture cause women are like the center

[00:42:42] Xine Story: [00:42:42] or

[00:42:42] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:42:42] like the cookies, the prizes like right. You get to,

[00:42:44] Xine Story: [00:42:44] to have sex with the occurrence.

[00:42:46] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:42:46] Yeah. That’s exactly what their currency, it’s a lot.

[00:42:50] Xine Story: [00:42:50] It’s a lot to thing about. Yeah.

[00:42:54] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:42:54] So I think we should, um,

[00:42:56] Xine Story: [00:42:56] wrap up a bit.

[00:42:57] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:42:57] Uh, is there one last thing [00:43:00] that you want to say or one experience you want to share that you haven’t yet gotten to share.

[00:43:03]Xine Story: [00:43:03] well,

[00:43:07] there’s something that I want to say and, um, I’m hesitant to say it because like, I don’t want to be taken wrong, right? But.

[00:43:23] Mmm. I think that as humans, we all have a lot of self hate of our bodies. Like no matter what we look like, right. And, um, I am so grateful to like fat positivity. Like I find fat people hot. I find skinny people hot. I find all the people hot, you know? Um. And I wouldn’t be here without like, fat, positivity, culture and those things. I mean, I wouldn’t like, I would have be like in a crumpled heap somewhere destroyed. Right. But also, [00:44:00] I don’t think that, yeah, I don’t think you have to love your body that like, have hot sex or to like walk around naked, you know? And like, I, um,

[00:44:12] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:44:12] I think that’s a great point.

[00:44:13] Xine Story: [00:44:13] When I was like 18, I somehow fell in with these new people in Berkeley who like walked around Berkeley naked. And, um, I got in as like a political act because I felt at the time that like, you know, the naked body is something that we all have and like, it shouldn’t be illegal. Um, I don’t know if I necessarily feel as militant about that at this point in my life, but, um, and the people, it turned out that were in that group. Their motive wasn’t necessarily political, but, um, through that experience, like, and it was really hard for me to like take off my clothes and walk around a town. And especially because like, people were pissed. They’re like, I don’t want my kids to see you. You know, I don’t want my kids to see nudity`. And, um, [00:45:00] I think like, I hated my body and I was, I was like more like, there was a span of years where I lost some weight and I was like, you know. Like, like, just through like, being poor and not having money for food, but like, you know, I, I, um, was and young, you know, like there’s the privilege of youth. Like I was 18, like, and I was conventionally had, I had more like, social currency, you know, than I might now. But like, I hated myself a lot more. Like, I had a lot more like, self-confidence problems.

[00:45:31] We’re

[00:45:32] being invaded. You probably should put the thing on the door.

[00:45:36] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:45:36] Yeah. Maybe they bring us chocolate.

[00:45:43] Xine Story: [00:45:43] I want them. Yeah. Chocolate they are

[00:45:49] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:45:49] bringing is chocolate.

[00:45:51] Xine Story: [00:45:51] Wow. That’s so good. Does that just happen?

[00:45:54] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:45:54] That just happened. We just manifested some chocolate.

[00:45:57] Xine Story: [00:45:57] Oh my gosh. [00:46:00] See? Love your body. Get chocolate. That’s right. Palovian  justice or you’re leaving tomorrow. All that. Saturday

[00:46:11] thank you. Thank you. What did I, one luck.

[00:46:14] No, I think we’re good. No, no, no, I’m good. Yeah. Don’t cause

[00:46:19] poor editor.

[00:46:22] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:46:22] I, I think this is actually one of the best parts of the trip is that, um, sometimes they come by in the evenings and they bring you chocolate and booze

[00:46:32] Xine Story: [00:46:32] and this isn’t just Hershey’s talk like this is like, Oh

[00:46:35] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:46:35] hand man.

[00:46:36] Xine Story: [00:46:36] Hey, his handmade truffle. It’s like gold leaf on them. Yeah,

[00:46:42] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:46:42] yeah. Oh yeah. These are amazing.

[00:46:45] Xine Story: [00:46:45] And

[00:46:47] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:46:47] yeah, it’s one of my favorite parts actually, is that in the evening we often come back, like come back from dinner or

[00:46:52] come back

[00:46:53] from the pool and they have remade our bed

[00:46:56] Xine Story: [00:46:56] fill up our towels again

[00:46:58] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:46:58] and left us chocolate and booze.

[00:47:00] [00:47:00] Xine Story: [00:47:00] Wow.

[00:47:01] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:47:01] Anyway, so one of the joys of being able to come on sex vacation is for sure. I can’t remember. We’re talking about, because now I have chocolate.

[00:47:11] Xine Story: [00:47:11] No. So anyway, like, you know, I was 18 I just moved to California from Florida. Like I had a background in like radical thinking, but like I still had self confidence issues. I still hated myself. So w it wasn’t easy to like take off my clothes and walk around naked in front of a whole bunch of people,

[00:47:28] most of whom were kind of jeering. Right. You know? And the ones who were engineering, you know, there was half of them was like, you know, what you guys are doing is cool? And half of them are like, Ooh, Hey Baby, can I feel your tip and take a picture with you? Right. You know? So, um, but we had all sizes there and all types of people. I mean, it was like, we had also like, you know, people who had mobility issues and like had disabilities that, you know, are not normally seen. We’re very rarely seen by the [00:48:00] general public naked. You know? So I think it made it even more kind of an edgy thing. Right. Um,

[00:48:08] so.

[00:48:10] Uh, what I wanted to say is that like, you know, it wasn’t easy to do that. And I learned some skills when I was doing it. And, you know, it’s just

[00:48:18] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:48:18] like

[00:48:18] Xine Story: [00:48:18] what

[00:48:19] it’s just the simplest thing. Like, just don’t look down. You know, if he, if he, if you hate your body, like, don’t look at it, look forward and keep going and like, **** that thing whenever you’re ****ing ****ing, you know. And it’s like, that helped me with sex. I mean, like, and it seems like, like, I don’t, I, I really hesitate to say this because I don’t want to come off as not seeming body positive or not seeming like, I think larger bodies are beautiful and sexy because I absolutely do think that larger bodies are beautiful and sexy. But I don’t, I don’t think that everybody’s necessarily there at a self confidence point. And it’s kind of like if somebody has an illness and. You know, like, you want them to say, well, be positive positivity, [00:49:00] that’ll help, that’ll help you. You know, you can’t overcome this without a positive attitude. And it’s like, that’s great for some people. And other people are like me. They’re kind of like Eyeore, you know, like, like I, I’m. I, yeah, I’m not that positive of a person early, you know? And like  people have reported that it’s felt like being like doubly victimized, you know? Because not only are they struck by chance, you know that they have a horrible illness, but also then it’s almost put on them like it’s their fault because they’re not positive enough.  and, and, you know, it’s like, you don’t, you don’t have to be there. Like, you don’t have to be 100% love your body to, to use it in a way that’s pleasurable. And like, I’ve had people tell me and of all different sizes and types, and like, you know, like even like people who are, you know, you’d see in a magazine, like they tell me that they like, like I’ve had women tell me that they don’t find sex pleasurable, even like with their husbands because they’re not happy with their bodies. And it’s like. Don’t look, look in his eyes, [00:50:00] you know, look at, look at something else. Like, don’t think about, I think about how it feels like when your ***** is getting pounded, you know, think about the sensations and you know, like maybe you’ll get there. That’s the, that’s the goal is to love your body, but like you could still have fun while you’re on the journey. Right.

[00:50:15] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:50:15] It’s not a requirement, but I hear that that messages don’t wait. Like you don’t have to wait until you’re like, I am confident now. I can do a thing. You don’t have to wait. You can just have pleasure now.

[00:50:24] Xine Story: [00:50:24] Yeah, absolutely. And you know, like get naked because why not? Like, you’re going to die soon anyway, and we’re all going to rotten the grave. I mean, like all our bodies are gonna rot the same way and no one’s going to be beautiful in their coffin. It really doesn’t matter in the end of the day. Yeah. And bodies are for living in chocolate

[00:50:45] on my body and for eating chocolate.

[00:50:47] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:50:47] That’s right.

[00:50:48] It’s so good. I mean, I know that like, I know that we are on the kind of radical edge of sex positivity coming to, you know, um, clothing optional, [00:51:00] mostly naked, you know, sexy resort, but that most of the time is a swinger resort, which is edgy, but we’re even to the left of that with, you know, all the queer people on the kinky people and all the poly people all spending time together. This is a very radical environment, and not everybody loves their lows, their body, you know, and it’s not required for pleasure. Yeah. I think you’re 100% right.

[00:51:25] Xine Story: [00:51:25] Yeah. And we, I mean, even just on this trip, we’ve met so many people that have express displeasure at their bodies. And it’s like, Oh my, I mean, it’s not even like size issues, but like, Oh, like. You know, I used to look like this and now I look like this because of time. Or I used to look like this, but, and then I had these surgeries and now I look like this. Or Oh, this part of my body never grew the way I wanted it to grow, or,

[00:51:48] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:51:48] you know what I mean? He is injured and I can’t

[00:51:51] walk like I used to. Oh yeah. I mean, when you go up the stairs, yeah.

[00:51:55] Xine Story: [00:51:55] There’s a lot of stairs here. Absolutely. Yeah. Like my, my partner them with [00:52:00] this has like a knee problem and it’s like, we have to always take the other stairs to the dungeon and like, you know, we’re in the, in the. You know, there’s a lot of people that, um, yeah, all my friends

[00:52:12] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:52:12] talk to you. I was in a conversation earlier with Cooper and one of the people who are working on theirs, they’re doing a much a construction here

[00:52:18] and they’re going to

[00:52:19] do, um, a jacuzzi on the ground floor, um, with another playroom. And I dunno when all that is gonna be opening. And I don’t know if that’s up for public consumption up there, but that’s just what we were talking about. Cause I said to him, um, I was over hearing in this conversation and I just was like. Hey are you, I just butted in because this is important. This is my third year here. We spend

[00:52:39] quite a lot of money

[00:52:40] to be here. And I was like, are you going to put in an elevator to the hot tub? And he was like, as a matter of fact, and he started talking about his plans because it’s, you know, this year I was injured before coming here. So I’m, I was in a lot of pain and then I got here and got my pain medication. That’s been

[00:52:58] much better. And we got, I got [00:53:00] shocked. My sweetheart got me a scooter, which has been amazing. But climbing the sets of stairs to go up to where the hot tub is, um, makes me nervous. Like I haven’t actually got up there. We’ll go up there tonight for the first time all week. And usually that’s my place.

[00:53:12] Xine Story: [00:53:12] They’re steep and slippery.

[00:53:15] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:53:15] Yeah. And it’s, it’s a, it’s a big deal. So accessibility and ability and size. It’s all, it’s all at play. Yeah. But don’t wait. Have pleasure now. I think that’s our.

[00:53:27] Xine Story: [00:53:27] Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Good.

[00:53:29] Briana Cavanaugh: [00:53:29] Good motto. All right, so we’re going to wrap up. When, what, how can people find you?

[00:53:36] So I don’t have any things that I do really, like, I’m just, you know, takes me, it takes a lot out of me just living my life. But, um, I have an Instagram account and so. I would love to make new friends. And it’s a pretty memorable name. It’s @rainydayMondays,  which is a Ccarpenter’s reference. So, um, please come find me people. Yeah. So we’ll put a link [00:54:00] @rainydayMondays, Mondays, in the show notes, and you’ll be able to find Christine.

[00:54:04] Xine Story: [00:54:04] Yeah. Awesome. Thanks for being with us today. Thank you. Right. Bye everyone!

[00:55:00] [00:54:10]

[00:55:13]

 

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